ATTITUDES TO DEATH..

This morning at 11:00 I listened to a BBC Radio 4 program on Attitudes to Death.. I knew it was coming up and listened. 
Many of us with MND are actively thinking about our death... MND is incurable and the average life span of someone with MND, ALS is 2 or 3 years... more if you're are fortunate and slightly exceptional. 


There are always exceptions to the rule!!!


twitter.comHaving made this comment, I do realise that there are some of us with MND who don't wish to plan for their death, we all have different ways of living. 
I except this. But for me, I need to plan , to face it head on................ That's me!


So what about the content of the program?............ It looked at differing attitudes of the guests, attitudes of other cultures, and what the guests might feel helpful to prepare, or even if it was helpful to prepare...


So these are my attitudes:
I except that for a person to die in say, a car accident, or a baby in a cot death................ these sudden deaths are so hard to cope with for family and friends. They are really terrible events. I have great sympathy.


The deaths I have known, my nana, my parents.. well they have all been elderly , and perhaps you become attuned to the fact that it will happen... However, the death of my baby ,Eleanor Rose... well she was born, and I knew immediately that she would have about 10 days of life. Those ten days gave me time to prepare to a certain extent. Tough when you expect to have a new life, a new baby to take home, there is a shock. During those ten days my husband, Ray, and I spent as much time as possible with baby Eleanor... It seemed very important to spend time with Liza too. Liza was nearly four and needed her parents. I will be forever indebted to Marjorie for looking after Eliza , giving us the time with Eleanor, and caring for Liza with such love.


But I , sort of, digress.....................
What are my attitudes? Well, I'm facing it head on. I want to plan my funeral. I have lots of ideas. There are major elements I haven't decided yet. Cremation or Forest burial.... In the past I had decided on cremation but I'm on the cusp of changing this.  I have still time  to come to a decision.


Having always carried a donor card, I now realise that my body is useless for this purpose, except for one thing. I understand that if I donate my spinal cord and brain, it can be used for research purposes. I need to talk with my girls about this. But its an action I prefer.


The question of talking through all this with my family is important. There may be things I am comfortable with, but they may not be. I do hope they can cope with my decisions, but I don't want to upset them. Even after death I still care, I am still their mum. However if  I talk through my ideas with my girls sooner, rather than later, perhaps they will have time to come to terms with them.


I really don't feel my funeral arrangements are outrageous. Things like ,I would like to write my own obit, would like for a reading to be broadcast from me, would like a service in Tod and may be a cremation in The Forest of Dean... all these ideas not set in stone. All need to be discussed....


But  in the end, I guess, I will be the one who is dead. Is it right that I influence my funeral to this extent? Is it the ultimate gift of my personality, or is it the ultimate of selfishness?? I'm not sure... But I'm thinking about it. 
If you have views do contact me.


So  to sum up, I feel I'm lucky to know that I will probably die in a planned way... I won't just fade away in old age, and hopefully I won't have a terrible accident. 


This actually gives a freedom.


I value writing this Blog, exploring ideas.. many may change... you'll just have to keep reading to see how, if, they do.
Thankyou for reading. But remember , if you care for me,........... now is the time to share this... soon it may be too late. 


HUG ME, I'VE GOT MND

BRAVE MEGGIE

My dear cat, Meggie ,has been fine with the stair lift from the word go. I did wonder how she might react to the wheelchair though. Well she has until today always turned tail and run. I have found this stressful as she really needs to get used to the way her mum now moves around. BUT, Today  RESULT.... Meg sat on my lap, I was in wheelchair, and I tentatively move it, a few yards at a time. She sat on my lap from the dinning room to the kitchen! YEA!!! Result! But then when she moved from my lap she ran away... so more confidence building needed... But we have lots of time to do it. 
Well done Brave Meggie, you are a superstar!!


As for the rest of the day.. well the bags ordered from the supplier arrived promptly I've had an order for 4 but the rest of my stock is in store.. so pleased I can complete the order. 


Tesco man came on time. We may have lots to say against Tesco , but they are a lifeline for me and all the guys who bring in the goods are kind and put stuff exactly where I wish it to be.


Watched "24hrs in A&E", last night. A lady who had cancer was close to death. Her family surrounded her. The lady said," I'm going". Her children said ," No, you're not going anywhere". I found this hard to listen too. I realise the family were actually saying , We don't want you to go.  BUT for the person near death might it be kinder for the family to give in and simply say something like, "Yes, it may be soon, but we're here, and we love you. We don't want to say goodbye, but realise its inevitable. We love you we give you our love and  hugs always. "


I've been referred to the hospice, Overgate, in Elland. I'm number five on the list. What they do, initially,  is to see you, to understand your needs. For me .this will be day-care. I will beable to go there, have a meal, a bath, massage and more importatly talk about preparing for my death and for my wishes surrounding this. This will include how I wish to die, what interventinions I wish , or don't wish.. 
I think the hospice is the place to die ,as ,as far as I understand, family and friends are well supported. As my girls have partners, but a dad who doesn't communicate with me, I feel I must make provision for them all to be supported... like having another parent. At least I hope that's how it will be for them. Who knows... I hope this will all be a long time hence, but I will be happy if I. and they , are prepared.


HUG ME, I'VE GOT MND