Sorry but the car saga continues...
*Warning I use a few swear words today!*
But first a catch-up on the last 36hrs.. Yesterday (Wed)was Ok in the morning.. Laura here, then Karen (with chips, YEY!!) and walking. These dear people kept me bright... but I was exhausted by even a short walk, and thus went to bed for 3 hrs... Got up and needed to eat, but too tired even to heat up home-made soup... had a few crackers and a tin of olives with garlic... ( and no, I'm not pregnant!!)....
Watched Tv, went to bed.
Alarm set for 7:55 this morning. Rang doctors for appointment. My call got through at 8:04... no appointments left with Dr Suki... ??? !!!! WHY????
Got up, ate cereal, showered , put washing in... 10:15 and I'm shattered
(Possibly too much info!!! BUT...Could do with going commando... knickers really hard to pull up.. you think about it, you need two hands, and to be standing, my balance requires three points on... so I say a not fall down now prayer as I pull them on!!!)
10:30, Michaela arrives... we talked for an hour. One of our subjects, My hands not good, so going to try hand splints... may help with support. (Sod it, moving on this B MND!!!)
Did emails... chased up M&S order, RATS, had clicked old address and parcel had been tried to be delivered there... another issue.. Dear Laura will help.. Thankyou.
Heated meal planned for last evening. Watched news, was tempted to watch Doctors... But no... thought I would record and watch after trip to Tod... a treat to look forward to.
Got coat on, not easy...
Got into van. Didn't start. Tried again.. no, still didn't start... lots of beeping...Got out. Closed door... well I tried to, but only the ramp closed.
Car left beeping happily to itself with the top door open...
OH! forgot to say I was going to Tod health centre for a blood test. Need liver function doing prior to seeing neurologist on Nov 5th. Had tried to get District nurse to come out, but as I'm still registered with Tod she won't/ can't... tried to register with Hebden Bridge on phone... have to go in for form... Cant get there because of car!!!! RATS !!!!
So called RAC.
Dear RAC man arrived. He found battery flat.. and not of my doing. I hadn't left anything on, (though with 9 buttons to master it might have just slipped through the net! )... but definitely not my fault.
My confidence is soooo low re car I feel everything is my fault.. But no, not me to blame.
APPARENTLY... diesel cars like mine should have a 540 amp battery.. petrol have 250amp... guess which was fitted to mine , (a diesel car...) You got it, the sort for a petrol car!!!
This apart, with so much electronic equipment, ie door opening, etc a high voltage battery is essential, even if it hadn't been necessary on a basic vehicle...
RAC man checked.. theoretically as the battery was OK, just run down, he shouldn't have been able to exchange it... BUT he got permission to do so... another example of how this B car is not fit for purpose... and of how amazingly wonderful the RAC are.
So tomorrow, I have to take more bravery pills, and drive to Tod... blood test still important and date for it getting rather urgent... so I'll have to do it...
This car meant I would have spontaneity in my life, freedom...
It sooo hasnt worked out like that. It has caused me so, so much stress. Thankfully Elsa came this evening and cooked a wonderful stir-fry. So I ate. I know I would have been to stressed/weak to have fed myself otherwise. I feel so much better for proper food.
But tomorrow, a letter will be written... having MND is my lot, and is shit, BUT I really don't need this shit re the car. It has costed me , it has caused me immense, I MEAN IMMENSE, stress.... I simply am not sufficiently eloquent to put down exactly what it feels like.
My grief for Meggie, my grief for my life, my sheer anger/frustration re car , my lack of energy, my loss of confidence in driving, my ever more weak hands..... how do I go on ?
At times today I have felt I would like to sleep forever... but then, there have been helpful moments.. Michaela and our talk; Kind moments , Justine bringing me nose jewels; thoughtful moments like Elsa cooking dinner... so that's why I go on...
Sod the car issue! ... Im stronger than a horrid bright green Fiat Qubo after all, aren't I? !!!
HUG ME, IV'E GOT MND
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